


Holding On To You

by pukefiend



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Young Veins
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Blow Jobs, Crying, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Oral Sex, Small Penis, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 10:00:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9229655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pukefiend/pseuds/pukefiend
Summary: In which Brendon has recently turned eighteen and he trusts Ryan.





	

Brendon sat on the foot of his bed, hands clasped together tightly in his lap. Ryan grimaced at his tense posture, and he stepped in to grab Brendon’s shoulder in an attempt to get him to relax. Brendon smiled weakly at him. 

“You can change your mind any time,” Ryan said softly. 

Brendon shook his head firmly.

“I’m fine. I’m good...I’m- Ryan?” Brendon’s voice gradually lost confidence as he kept talking. 

“What?”

“Can you, just, run me through it one more time? Like, what you were saying before?” Brendon asked, casting his gaze down to his lap. 

Ryan gently cupped Brendon’s jaw, guiding him to look back up at him. 

“Listen. You’re an adult, and you can do whatever you want. Within reason,” Ryan giggled. 

“But, uh, I know you’re a little intimidated by that. And you don’t need to be.” 

Brendon could feel his breathing evening out slowly, and he reached out to grab Ryan’s hip.

“It’s...sex is...it’s good, Bren. It _feels_ good,” Ryan continued. “And, Brendon.” 

Brendon liked the way his name sounded in Ryan’s mouth. He liked the way it felt.

“Nothing bad is going to happen to you. You _know_ that. It’ll just be you and me, and you’ll be fine. Nothing will hurt you. Even if someone, something, tried to hurt you, I wouldn’t let it. I’m gonna protect you, and I’m gonna take care of you, and I’m gonna make you feel good.”

Brendon blushed at the lower tone Ryan dropped into at the end. Slowly, as he thought about Ryan’s words more, he realized something: he would believe anything that came out of Ryan Ross’ mouth. 

“It’s okay,” Ryan concluded. 

“Okay, Ryan. Thank you,” Brendon said, leaning back onto the bed. 

“Are you good?” Ryan asked, taking a step back and falling into a more cheery demeanor. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m ready,” Brendon replied, smiling. 

Still, he sat on the edge of his bed, paralyzed, as he watched Ryan reach down to grab his shirt, and pull it off. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Ryan’s bare chest before, but Brendon held his breath as he watched Ryan drop his shirt in a pile on the floor. Ryan’s skin was pale as moonlight, and Brendon felt something like pride in his chest. 

That feeling quickly fled as he watched Ryan’s hands travel lower and busy themselves undoing his pants. Ryan looked up, giggling softly when he made eye contact with Brendon.

“You know,” Ryan said as he began pulling his tight jeans down his legs, “you can get undressed too.”

Brendon could feel his skin getting warmer from blushing so hard. 

“Ah, yeah, alright,” Brendon sputtered. 

Ryan flashed him a reassuring smile, and Brendon let out a long breath as he reached down for the hem of his shirt. He pulled his tee shirt off slowly, dropping it into his lap. He glanced up, catching a full view of Ryan stripped down to his boxers.

“Oh,” he said softly. Ryan approached him, kneeling at the foot of the bed between his legs. 

“Bren. Look at me. Relax, and trust me,” he said. “Quit thinking,” he added, tossing Brendon’s shirt on the floor. 

Brendon nodded and resolved to not think, which in and of itself, was a thought. Ryan grabbed Brendon’s hands for a moment, kissing the back of one before he released them. Brendon watched with rapt fascination as Ryan reached for the top of his jeans and unbuttoned them. 

“Geez,” he whispered. Ryan laughed softly back at him, and Brendon took that as a good sign. 

“Lift your body up, baby,” Ryan instructed. 

“Oh yeah sorry,” Brendon replied with a laugh, shifting so that Ryan could ease his jeans over his hips. 

“See?” Ryan asked as he leaned back so Brendon could kick his pants off. “Not bad so far.”

“We haven’t _done_ anything!” Brendon scoffed. 

Ryan shrugged, standing up and slipping his thumb into the waistband of his boxers. Brendon sucked in a breath in some sort of anticipation, which made Ryan smile. 

When Ryan was naked, completely and really naked, with his boxers on the floor, Brendon made a sort of strangled noise in his throat. 

Honestly, there wasn’t anything particularly stunning about Ryan’s dick, except that it was attached to Ryan, which was enough to make Brendon think it might be the best dick in the world. 

“Brendon, question,” Ryan said, standing with his hands at his sides, unabashedly naked. 

“Mm?” Brendon hummed.

“You’re a virgin, yes?” Ryan asked, scrunching up his nose. 

“No,” Brendon replied bluntly, shame tinting his features red again. 

“Woah, what?” Ryan exclaimed, clearly caught of guard. He cocked an eyebrow at Brendon. “Who...”

“Uh, well,” Brendon mumbled, “I- myself?”

There was not a moment of silence before Ryan began full on cackling. He doubled over with laughter, one hand swung around his waist, and the other supporting himself on his knee.

“Brendon!” he yelped in between breaths. “Bren! It’s not- that’s not-”

Brendon buried his face in his hands, disappointed that he couldn’t cover his ears as well to stop hearing Ryan’s excited laughing. 

“That’s not…” Ryan finally began to regain control of himself, wiping a tear away from his eye. “That is not how it works…you can’t lose your virginity to yourself...”

“Sorry…” Brendon murmured. “That ruined-”

“What, no!” Ryan cut him off, getting in close and pulling Brendon’s hands away from his face. Brendon was somewhat relieved by his sunny smile. 

“You’re just silly is all. It’s not like it matters anyway Bren. Virginity is just some...thing. Stupid nonsense thing. And...this doesn’t have to be too serious. If we’re laughing, we’re having a good time, huh? That’s what counts.”

Brendon nodded, deciding that made sense, and that he believed it, like he believed everything else Ryan Ross said. 

“Alright sweetie. Relax,” Ryan said, cupping Brendon’s jaw before leaning in to give him a kiss. Brendon was beaming when he pulled back. 

“It’s still nice, even if you’re naked, and that’s kind of weird,” Brendon told Ryan with a giggle. 

“Oh shush,” Ryan muttered back to him. “Get up on the bed, okay?”

Brendon shimmied back on the bed, smiling warmly at Ryan. Ry climbed up onto the bed next to him, peering down at his boxers. 

“Can I take those off?” he asked. Brendon bit his lip, apprehension obvious on his face. 

“Not yet?” Ryan asked softly, and Brendon nodded. 

“That’s fine,” he replied, sitting himself on Brendon’s hips and leaning forward to kiss him, pressing their bare chests together. 

Brendon was vaguely aware that Ryan was naked on top of him, but he was more pleased with kissing him, and he let himself be absorbed in that. He let his mouth fall open slightly, and he felt Ryan’s tongue brushing against his lips. Ryan reached up to tangle his fingers in Brendon’s hair, and Brendon reacted by yelping softly into Ryan’s mouth.

Ryan was slowly grinding his body against Brendon’s, and Brendon could feel himself starting to sweat. He opened his mouth to let Ryan press his tongue in, warm and wet and surprisingly gentle. Brendon could feel a tightness in his chest, a sort of excitement. He could feel himself getting hard in his boxers, and he would have been embarrassed by how easy it happened if it weren’t for the fact that he could feel Ryan growing hard against him. 

Slowly, Ryan drew back from the kiss, and Brendon smiled at him warmly. 

“I’m good now, I’m ready now,” he told Ryan. 

“Okay baby,” Ryan replied softly. 

He picked himself up off of Brendon, and Bren could see his cock between his legs. Now that Ryan was hard, his dick was flushed pink and curved upwards. Brendon watched Ryan lower himself so he could take of his boxers. 

“Ryan?” Brendon asked weakly as he felt Ryan grab the top of his boxers. 

“Yeah?”

“Please, you have to promise me, you have to...” he trailed off uncertainly. 

“Bren?”

“You can’t _laugh_ okay?” Brendon muttered exasperatedly. 

“Brendon! I’m not going to laugh! I know I joke around with you but I wouldn’t do that! I l-love you,” Ryan said, pressing a soft kiss to Brendon’s hip. 

“I’m just...I’m self-conscious,” Brendon replied, face red. “A-And I love you too.”

Ryan slowly pulled Brendon’s boxers off, and Bren closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to watch Ryan’s reaction. 

Ryan glanced down between Brendon’s legs and sucked in a breath. Brendon’s dick was smaller than his, noticeably so, and in a way Ryan couldn’t describe, kind of cute. 

“Ryan! What does that sound mean?” Brendon hissed.

“It means you have the most perfect cock I’ve ever seen,” Ryan said, grinning. “Bren, look at me baby.”

Brendon gingerly opened his eyes, but smiled when he saw the excitement on Ryan’s face. 

“You mean it? It’s...I don’t know I thought you’d be disappointed cause...it’s...small...” Brendon trailed off. He knew he was blushing awfully. 

“I love it,” Ryan said. “Seriously, really.”

He pressed a soft kiss to Brendon’s bare hip, and Brendon groaned softly. 

“Let me take care of you baby,” Ryan said softly. “You relax, okay?”

Brendon nodded, letting out a shaky breath. Ryan clambered back up so his face was level with Brendon’s, leaning into his neck. He raised his hand to his mouth, licking a broad wet, stripe across his palm. Ryan lowered his hand down, wrapping it gently around Brendon’s cock. He kissed Brendon’s neck gently, and Brendon moaned breathily. 

Ryan stroked Brendon at a slow, lazy pace. He tried to emulate what he liked, a tight grip and an uneven speed. Brendon turned his head to the side, embarrassed by how good Ryan’s hand felt. 

“Hey baby, you’re doing good, relax. I got you. Does it feel good?” Ryan murmured. 

“Yeah, but, Ry, faster?” Brendon replied softly. 

“Of course.”

Ryan sped up his hand, making his strokes short and quick. That earned a yelp of pleasure from Brendon, and he rolled his hips up into Ryan’s grip uncontrollably. 

“So beautiful for me, baby,” Ryan praised. Brendon whimpered back. 

“You don’t need to be embarrassed Bren, I got you,” Ry murmured. 

He rubbed his thumb over the head of Brendon’s cock, and Brendon groaned in response. 

“You sound so good,” Ryan continued, leaning in to peck Brendon on the cheek. “You keep moaning for me, okay?”

Brendon nodded softly, dazed by Ryan’s gentle words and warm touch. 

“Relax. I want to see you enjoying yourself.”

“I-It feels good.”

“Yeah?” Ryan said, half smiling and speeding up his hand so Brendon choked out a moan.

“Oh yeah fuck!” Brendon swore. He immediately slapped a hand over his mouth.

“Can’t believe you made me say that!” he gasped. Ryan giggled. 

Precum leaked out of Brendon’s cock, and he wriggled underneath Ryan. 

“I- Ryan, it’s...leaking!” Brendon groaned. 

“Does that not usually happen to you?” Ryan asked softly. 

“N-Not this much! Plus, it’s not like I have a ton of experiences to reference,” Brendon said bluntly. 

“It’s kind of hot,” Ryan said lowly. 

“I...what?” Brendon asked, but he was cut off as he tipped his head back with a moan. “W-Whatever you say,” he mumbled. 

“You’re doing so good, Brendon. I’m glad you’re talking with me too, sweetie,” Ry said, twisting his wrist before pulling his hand off Brendon’s cock. 

“Ryan? Why’d you...stop?” Brendon asked breathily. 

“Hang on baby I’m gonna do something else. You trust me, yeah?” Ryan said, wrapping his hand around his cock.

“Of course, yeah,” Brendon moaned. 

Slowly, Ryan rolled his hips down so his cock rubbed against Brendon’s.

“Woah!” Brendon murmured.

“Does that feel good?” Ryan asked quietly. 

“Y-Yeah, it does...I’m just kind of...it’s your dick...” Brendon sputtered. 

“That way it feels good for both of us, yeah?” Ryan groaned, shifting his hips so his cock rubbed up and down the length of Brendon’s.

“Uh huh,” Brendon whimpered breathily. 

Ryan began lightly nibbling on Brendon’s neck, and Brendon leaned his head away to give him more room. Ryan set a slow pace of grinding his hips down into Bren. Brendon whined softly with each time Ryan pressed against him. He wondered if he was oversensitive, because it felt better than any of his late night, guilty jerk off sessions ever had. Ryan drew his head up, looking at Brendon lovingly.

“Ry...” Brendon moaned softly. 

“Yeah baby?” Ryan murmured. “Feels good. Do you feel good?”

“Yeah,” Brendon admitted. 

It did feel good, the rough friction on his cock, and it was better just knowing it was Ryan’s dick pressed against his. Brendon liked that Ryan was sweating a little, hair mussed up, lips pink. He was kind of a mess, but in the best possible way. 

Ryan was proud of the blush spreading on Brendon’s cheeks, proud of the soft moans he was drawing out of him. He sped up the fervent thrusting of his hips, and he could feel precum smearing between his and Brendon, and he couldn’t tell if it was Bren’s or his own. 

Ryan was nearly panting, and he leaned in to kiss Brendon again. Brendon could still feel residual anxiety in his system; even though he felt _safe_ , he was kind of suffering from performance anxiety. It felt good, impossibly good, achingly good, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to cum with all the butterflies in his stomach. 

“Ryan?” Brendon asked as Ryan pulled back from the kiss. 

“Y-Yeah?” Ryan said, his voice weak and breathy from pleasure.

“Am I doing good?” he asked softly.

“Fuck, doing so good baby. You don’t need to worry, just relax,” Ryan moaned.

He lowered his mouth back to Brendon’s, pushing his tongue into the warmth of Brendon’s mouth. He reached down to wrap his long fingers around both him and Brendon’s cocks, and Brendon moaned at the feeling. Ryan fucked into his fist, biting his lip.

“Oh you look so pretty like that,” Brendon blurted out suddenly. 

“Yeah?” Ryan said with a smile. 

Brendon drew his hand up to cover his mouth, giggling. 

“That just came out of me!” he said. 

“That’s sweet,” Ryan replied. 

He leaned in and kissed Brendon’s neck harder, sucking on the warm skin. Brendon knew he would end up with a dark hickey right where Ryan’s mouth was. Ryan drug his tongue along Brendon’s neck, soothing the mark he had made. 

Ryan sped up his pace, squeezing his fingers around himself and Brendon with desperation. Brendon was gently squirming and writhing beneath him, and it felt good to have him reciprocating. 

Ry could feel himself getting closer to cumming, and he pressed against Brendon harder, moaning breathlessly. 

“Oh fuck Bren, Brendon,” he groaned, his eyes screwing shut with pleasure. His breathing grew ragged with each thrust of his hips. 

“Brendon I’m gonna cum,” he whined. 

“Oh!” Brendon exclaimed, mouth falling open as he watched Ryan with fascination. 

That didn’t last long as Ryan collapsed in on Bren, kissing him openly, giving a high, sharp whine as he stroked himself through his orgasm. Hot cum spilled out onto Brendon’s stomach, and Ryan began shaking softly. His legs buckled, and he straddled Brendon’s hips before leaning down slowly onto his chest.

For a moment, they were still, and the room was quiet except for Brendon’s desperate and uneven breathing. Ryan nestled his face into Brendon’s shoulder, kissing him tenderly. 

“Good, baby, good,” he whispered against Bren’s skin. He grabbed a tissue off the bedside table, wiping his cum from Brendon’s belly and tossing the used tissue away lazily. 

“Wow, you...you liked that a lot.”

“Mhm.”

“It was...good to watch you...like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Bren? How would you like it if I used my mouth on you?”

Brendon went rigid below Ryan, suddenly consumed by the image of Ryan’s pink, perfect, gentle mouth on his cock. He felt his dick give an actual twitch at the idea. 

“Brendon? If you don’t want to-” Ryan drew his head up slowly, giggling when he made eye contact with Brendon. 

Brendon’s eyes were blown wide, and he was biting his lip. His face was still flushed, and sure enough, a bruise was appearing on his neck. 

“You...look like you like the idea of that,” Ryan said with a smile. 

“Uh huh,” Brendon said. 

“I’m gonna blow your mind, and your dick,” Ryan teased with a wicked grin. 

“Ryan!” 

Ryan laughed, sitting up. He crawled down the bed as Brendon propped himself up on the pillows behind him. 

“God you look so pretty like that,” Ryan said softly, looking up at Brendon with lidded eyes. Brendon smiled, covering his eyes and giggling. 

Ryan wrapped his hand around the base of Brendon’s cock, and lowered his mouth to the head of it. Brendon let out a choked whine as he felt Ryan’s soft tongue touch the tip of his dick. 

“Oh god Ryan!” Brendon moaned, instinctively grabbing Ryan’s hair. 

Ryan slowly stroked the base of Brendon’s cock, closing his lips around the head. Brendon made a choked sound of pleasure unlike anything Ryan had heard out of him before. 

“I-It’s so warm!” he yelped, and Ryan would have laughed if his mouth hadn’t been occupied. Brendon’s eagerness was cute. 

Ryan slowly began to bob his head on Brendon’s dick, moving his hand out of the way. Ryan easily took all of Brendon’s cock in his mouth, and moaned softly around him. Brendon’s legs squirmed and kicked in desperation, and he groaned loudly. 

Ryan wished that he could have talked, because he had a million wonderful things he wanted to tell Brendon. Instead, he busied himself with making Brendon feel good with his mouth. He pressed his face all the way down to Bren’s stomach, swallowing around him. 

“J-Jesus Ry that feels so good!” Brendon moaned, tipping his head back and tugging on Ryan’s hair lightly. Ryan bobbed his head quicker, swallowing around Brendon’s cock as he worked. Brendon felt pleasure pooling in his stomach, and it radiated warmly down his legs.

Ryan pulled his head up and Brendon gasped quietly.

“Ryan?” he asked raggedly. 

“Got an idea, but if you don’t like it, I’ll stop” Ryan said, pushing his hand along the inside of Brendon’s thigh. 

Brendon nodded as Ryan lowered his hand between his legs, pressing his thumb against the soft skin of his perineum.

“Oh woah!” Brendon gasped. 

Ryan pressed his thumb in a slow circle against Brendon’s prostate, and Brendon moaned and panted desperately. 

“God what the hell are you doing? It feels so good!” he yelped. 

“I can explain some other time, yeah?” Ryan replied with a giggle. 

He lowered his head back down to take Brendon’s cock in his mouth again. Brendon tipped his head back in pleasure as Ryan resumed bobbing his head quickly. He massaged his thumb against Bren’s prostate softly. Ryan tried to gather up his rhythm to match the movement of his mouth and his hand. 

Brendon could feel a warm pressure growing in his belly, and he felt like his cock was twitching and throbbing in Ryan’s mouth. Ryan swallowed around his again, and Brendon gasped needily, clawing at the sheets below him. 

Ryan pushed as far forward as he could again, relishing in the way he could fit all of Brendon’s cock in his mouth without gagging. 

He drew back with a sense of pride, bobbing his head smoothly and flicking his tongue against the underside of Brendon’s cock. 

“Please Ryan it’s so good you’re amazing at this fuck!” Brendon groaned desperately. “Can I- Ry can I…”

Ryan couldn’t say anything, so instead he moaned around Brendon and looked up at him through his eyelashes. Everything was suddenly too much for Brendon, the heat, the wetness, the vibration, the thumb pressing into him, even the look on Ryan’s face. 

Brendon’s hips bucked desperately as he came, his whole body shaking and a loud scream ripping out of his throat. His toes curled up as hot, intense pleasure washed to every edge of his body. 

Ryan felt Brendon’s cum shoot into his mouth, and he swallowed it down easily. 

“Oh my god,” Brendon gasped out. 

When Ryan raised his head, he could see Brendon was crying. 

“Brendon, baby!” he said, grabbing Brendon’s hand as quickly as he could. 

“R-Ryan,” Bren choked out between sobs, raising his free hand to wipe away the tears from his face. “I-I’m sorry I don’t know why-”

“Honey,” Ryan interrupted, climbing up the bed and wiping the tears off Brendon’s cheek. 

“Don’t apologize, it’s okay, it’s emotional, I know, but I’m here I’m here I’m gonna take care of you,” he murmured, pulling Brendon’s head onto his chest. Brendon sniffled softly, done crying. 

“Brendon, you did such a good job, you’re so beautiful. I’m so proud of you.”

Ryan gave Brendon a soft kiss on the head. 

Brendon felt like his thoughts were whirring, buzzing in his skull impossibly fast, and he couldn’t focus on anything other than Ryan Ryan Ryan, the way Ryan was holding him was consuming his whole being. 

“R-Ry,” Brendon murmured desperately, his voice ragged. 

“Yeah baby I’m right here I got you,” Ryan soothed. 

“Thank you,” Bren muttered softly. 

“Of course honey. Anything for you,” Ryan replied, and Brendon let out a happy but choked sound. “But right now, I just want you wrap your head around all this and lay here with me.”

“Uh huh,” Brendon breathed out, nestling into Ryan’s chest and tangling his legs in with Ryan’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I really appreciate comments; tell me what you liked, tell me what I can improve on. I'd be very grateful!


End file.
